how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
