hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
