look no pants
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Boobs are out for the taking
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
