sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
