thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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