Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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