i think my mom watched the whole time
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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