the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
