It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
