Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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