I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
