K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
should my penis look like a turkey
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
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