let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize