look no pants
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
And then he peed in my hair
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