Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
