oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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