I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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