If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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