I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
