did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
fuck your aforementioned shoe
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
