Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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