i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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