Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
