in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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