suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
