Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
