What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
They are going to name an STD after you.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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