Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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