Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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