i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
