Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
