I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize