So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
