you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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