he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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