I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
