my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
