people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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