someone owes me an orgasm
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
