Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
