i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
