Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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