I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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