Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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