my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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