I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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