I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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