he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
