So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
