I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
