I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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