She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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