shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
i've created a new STD.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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