im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Panties = found
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
